Be the Bible

Over the weekend, I joined Mike Firmin and 16 stalwart Christian men for a retreat in Allendale, SC. Thanks to a generous friend of Mike’s, we get the run of the hunting lodge at a place called Milbury Plantation. Mike does this once a year for the men that he provides with spiritual direction, and it has become a blessed tradition. I’ve gone for at least a decade, though I’ve missed a few due to big life events like my wedding, the birth of a son, and the plague.

Milbury covers something like 10,000 acres along the South Caroling bank of the Savannah River. Several large ponds dot the landscape, filled with enormous bass and more than a few alligators. Mike joyously recounted the fishing trip that earned him the nickname, “alligator Mike,” which involved capturing a live 4 or 5-foot alligator with a fishing rig and bringing it back to the lodge to show off before releasing it back into the pond.

From slavery to freedom.

In the days before the Civil War, Milbury was a plantation with all the dark history that entails. The new owner turned it into a nature preserve. He also uses the lodge to host various retreats throughout the year. Mike gave him a bell with the scripture verse, “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” At the beginning of every retreat, Mike tells the story of the bell and the plantation, and how the Lord has transformed it from a place of slavery into a place of freedom. This year the retreat had the theme, “Behold, I make all things new.”

After a brief time of prayer, each man rang the bell with a prayer in his heart for some kind of freedom in his life. This year, I didn’t know what kind of freedom I needed, so I prayed in the days before the retreat that God would lead me to seek the kind of freedom that I need the most.

When my turn came, I heard the Lord say, “freedom from fear,” and again, “freedom from fear of failure,” as I rang the bell. As I contemplated this word from the Lord afterward, I could see where that particular fear holds me in bondage.

I’ve had some spectacular failures in my life. Two business disasters from my twenties came to mind. One went belly up and the other I got booted from by the partners. Numerous failed relationships and broken friendships. I’ve written a couple of books that have sold slightly more than 12 copies. I run some websites that might as well be nowhere.com. I do all my writing for fun and have no bitterness about that, but from a business standpoint, they might well be case studies of what not to do.

A new paradigm.

Our first retreat assignment was to prayerfully read through the Gospel of Mark over the course of the weekend. I started reading it on Friday night before bed, and John the Baptist jumped to my attention first thing. By the middle of chapter one, he got arrested. I tried to read on, but my attention kept going back to John’s imprisonment.

Then the Lord said, “Do you think that John the Baptist is a failure?” Whoa. By the world’s standards, obviously so. He lived in the desert as a vagabond. Not a homeowner. Never married. Gathered a bit of a following before making the most powerful person in his country angry. Arrested and then beheaded at an early age. From the world’s perspective, not much to see there.

God’s perspective is so different. Jesus said that John the Baptist was greater than anyone that came before him. That includes Abraham, Moses, King David, and Elijah. That’s pretty high praise coming from the mouth of the Son of God. In art, John the Baptist is always portrayed as being very near to Jesus as He sits at the right hand of the Father. He is eternally blessed.

Part of my problem is that my view of success is tied in with externals. My house, my cars, my salary, my retirement nest egg… none are impressive by the standards of the world. John had a different standard for success… obedience to God. Even when that obedience leads him to confront Herod’s lawless marriage, which caused his imprisonment and death. God was pleased with this obedience and highly exalted him.

A message in the stars.

I got up and took a walk under the stars, which are pretty spectacular on a clear night at Milbury. It’s about 12 miles from the middle of nowhere. I looked up and marveled at the splendor of it all. “God, what do You really need from me? Nothing.” In a universe so vast, what possible contribution could I make that would have any lasting value? What difference does my success or failure make in the grand scheme of things?

In that still, cold night, God had a different message for me, one that transformed my thinking. “Do you see all of these stars? One day they will all burn out to nothing. But you will still be with Me. I created you to be with Me for the rest of eternity.”

Whoa. To think that I’m more important to God, more durable than the stars, is mind-boggling. And it’s not about what I do that matters. Success is simply fulfilling the reason for my existence… to spend the rest of eternity in a loving relationship with God.

The Bible you must be.

The next day, I had an hour to sit and talk with Mike about all of this. At a certain point, he stopped and looked at me the way he did when he told me that God wanted me to write grants for the Food Bank 11 years ago.

He then told me that there are a lot of people out in the world who never go to church, who have never seen or read a bible, who don’t know about Jesus, or worse only know some of the terrible lies about Christianity that are out there. For those people, I might be the only encounter with the Bible that they ever have. So, I have to be the Bible.

He told me this right at the end of our session, so I was left with the question, “What does it mean to be the Bible?” Mike sometimes does this Yoda thing where he gives me more questions than answers. It’s good for me. It leads me to prayer.

I started to wrestle with the question of being the Bible. What is the Bible? It’s not a textbook. It’s not an encyclopedia, with all knowledge on all subjects. It’s not the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. It’s not a book of myths or fairy tales, although some would label it so. So what is it?

Then it hit me. The Bible is a revelation. It reveals God’s unfailing, relentless, self-sacrificing, lavish, and merciful love for His people, His children. It’s the greatest love story ever told. And the best part is that the story applies to me! I’m a part of the story.

Success as being, not doing.

If I’m supposed to be the Bible, that means that I need to be a revelation of God’s love to the people around me. This will involve some doing because loving people requires some real effort. But the bigger thing is at the deeper level…. the level of being.

If God’s love is true, if the story I find in the Bible is true, it changes who I am. I’m no longer a child of darkness, but a child of the light. I’m different. Changed. “Behold, I make all things new.”

God’s perfect love casts out all fear, including fear of failure. I get to live as though my primary measure for success is whether I love God and the people He puts in my path every day. On top of that, He’ll give me the grace that I need to accomplish anything that He truly desires. He is more than wise and powerful enough to take care of all the rest.

If I can live this way, it’s good news. And everyone I meet will get to read it.

Originally published at https://nathankrupa.com on March 2, 2022.